Who I Am With You Read online

  “It’s not going to happen, Travis. Our time has passed.”

  “We’ll just have to agree to disagree.”

  Nothing seemed to faze him as he moved through the pond, taking easy laps and obviously glorying in the coolness of the water while she baked on the damn rock. After about twenty minutes, she was really regretting not having her suit.

  When he came close to her, a mischievous grin on his face, she glared down at him. “Don’t even think about it,” she warned him, but it was too late. While he treaded water, he brought his arm back, and then a large wave splashed over her.

  Unwilling to let that go, and tired of roasting anyway, Taylor yanked off her soaked shirt and shoved her jeans down her slender legs. She had a measure of satisfaction in seeing his eyes widen as she stood there for a moment in her bra and panties.

  Yeah, look all you want, Travis, ’cause you’re not touching, she thought before diving into the water only two feet from him.

  When she came up for air behind him, she didn’t give him a chance to turn before her arms slid around his neck and she dragged him beneath the water. When the two of them came up, he was coughing up water, and she sported an expression of utter satisfaction.

  “Take that,” she said, before plunging back beneath the water and disappearing. She was a strong swimmer, and though he was stronger, she certainly had more agility.

  For the next hour they splashed, chased each other, played Marco Polo, and, unbelievably, they laughed nonstop. By the time the two of them climbed out of the pond, Taylor had forgotten all her reasons for keeping her distance.

  Lying back on the hot rocks, she turned toward him, making sure to keep her gaze above his waistline. “Why are you staying out here?”

  Travis looked at her for a minute before his arm came up to shield his eyes. They both had to let the hot sun dry them off.

  “My career suddenly ended in the blink of an eye—literally and figuratively—and I needed a quiet place to regroup.”

  There didn’t seem to be anger in his voice, only resignation. She felt a lot more bitter about the possible ending of her own career.

  “What happened?” She wanted to stop herself from asking, but she was too curious. She actually did care, even if she didn’t want him to know it.

  “We were on a mission and an IED exploded. I was lucky, much luckier than many of the men, but it permanently messed up the peripheral vision in my left eye. I can’t do my job now.” He’d never really talked about what he did for the military, and Taylor was sure she didn’t want to know the details. But, again, she was curious.

  “Are you angry?” She sure as hell was.

  “I was for a while. I didn’t know what I could do next, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Just because one door closes, it doesn’t mean another one can’t open.”

  “How can you be so positive? Don’t you ever want to shout and blame someone else—anyone else?”

  “Yeah. I already went through all of that. But I’m an adult, Taylor. I can’t change what’s happened, so I just move forward.”

  “You’re so reasonable. I don’t know . . .” She wasn’t ready to talk about the racing circuit yet. She was still determined to get back to the track eventually. No one was going to tell her she couldn’t, not even the so-called experts.

  “It’s not that I’m reasonable; it’s just that it is what it is. I can’t change what happened. Sure, I went through the circumstances surrounding that accident about a million different times in my head, and I thought of a thousand what-ifs, but the reality is that it did happen. I can’t change that, so I can either dwell on it or I can push forward and make a change in my life.”

  “It’s really easy to say that, but actually to believe it is something else entirely,” Taylor said as she sat up, her eyes straying to his chest for only a moment. There wasn’t a single second while they were lying there that she wasn’t painfully aware he was naked.

  “Time heals all wounds, Taylor.”

  She didn’t miss the extra meaning in his use of the maxim. “Some wounds aren’t repairable, Travis.” Suddenly she was exhausted. This was all too much—the loss of her career, her dreams being shattered, being holed up in some cabin in the woods with her first love.

  Just too much.

  Slipping on her clothes with her back to Travis, she didn’t turn to find out whether he was doing the same. She just began walking back toward the cabin. When he joined her a few minutes later, their steps cushioned by the moss-covered ground, silence reigned.

  It was bound to be a long day and an even longer night.

  Tossing on the uncomfortably small couch in the too-warm cabin, Taylor glared up at the dark ceiling. She should have stood her ground and not let Travis have the bed, but when he’d crawled in beside her—commando, no less—she’d practically flown from beneath the covers to the safety of the couch.

  She actually didn’t know how Travis had managed to sleep on the thing because she wasn’t comfortable and she was a good six or eight inches shorter than him and a heck of a lot more slender.

  Her day at the lake with him had been wonderful, too wonderful, and then nerves and fear had stolen through her much sooner than she would have liked. But the longer she lay there, unable to sleep, the more she thought about the past, something she certainly didn’t want to do.

  It was history, ancient history, and to dwell upon it would do her absolutely no good, so why did she find her eyes closing and the memories bubbling up? Probably because Travis was only one thin door away from her, and that night with him six years prior had shaped her, changed her from a girl to a woman, and no matter how much she said she hated him, what she felt about him was anything but antagonistic.

  Taylor stopped fighting the memories, and a dreamlike smile appeared on her face as she slowly drifted off, taking her back to that party, to the night Travis had finally given her everything she’d ever wanted from him—right before he’d pulled the rug straight out from under her.

  “WHAT ARE YOU

  doing at a grown-up party, squirt?”

  Taylor turned to find Travis Montclave standing behind her in a pair of dark jeans and a polo shirt molded to his chest. Add to that the megawattage smile and twinkling eyes and she was about to melt into a puddle right there at his feet.

  “In case you haven’t noticed, Travis,” she said with her most practiced purr, “I’m all grown up now.” Though her hands were trembling, she lifted her glass of wine and took a sip, then licked her bottom cherry-red lip while giving him her most come-hither smile.

  The intake of breath and slight narrowing of his eyes were all the reward she needed.

  “Ha! You’ll always be twelve,” he said, though his eyes took a sweep of her twenty-year-old body.

  She may not have been the curviest woman at the party, but she had a woman’s body, and she intended to use everything she’d been given to finally seduce Travis.

  “Why don’t you take me for a dance and see if I move like I’m twelve,” she challenged him.

  Travis said nothing as he threw back the rest of his drink before setting the glass down and looking as if he was having an internal struggle. If he turned her down, she would be humiliated, but what were the odds she would be at the same place at the same time as her childhood crush? It was now or never.

  “Fine. One dance,” he said. This was her window.

  One dance turned into two, and then five, and in between each dance, Travis drank just a little bit more. Soon he wasn’t fighting her as they stepped out onto the dance floor and she rubbed her curves against him. Soon the passion in his eyes was more than obvious.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this, Taylor,” he said as she brushed her lips across his neck.

  “Why not, Travis? We’re both adults. I want you,” she said before pushing against his obvious bulge. “And you want me.”

  A shudder passed through him. “You’re my best friend’s little sister. I can still see you in pigtails,
” he said, though he didn’t pull away from her.

  Taylor wasn’t backing down. When they finally made love, he would see her as a woman, not a little girl. He would see what he had been missing out on the last few years. Sure, he couldn’t have dated her before she’d turned eighteen, but she was nearing twenty-one now, and she knew what she wanted, and she wanted Travis.

  This time when she stood up on her toes and brushed her lips against his, he didn’t pull away. No. This time, his hands came around her and his lips moved, and then she wasn’t the one doing the seducing anymore.

  She had practically floated away from the party in Travis’s arms, and the next two hours were everything she’d wanted and more. His lips trailed across her body, his fingers stroked her fire to a burning inferno, and his eyes worshipped her. He was so gentle, and yet so masculine at the same time that when he finally did enter her, there was only the smallest pinch of pain to remind her she had never had sex before.

  Just before she was drifting to sleep, she couldn’t help but whisper, “I love you, Travis.”

  And that’s when everything went wrong.

  “Oh, Taylor, we shouldn’t have done this. You don’t know what love is. You’re too young, too immature. I took advantage of you, and drinking is no excuse,” he said. He untangled himself from her and sat on the edge of the bed, his head hung in shame.

  “I wanted you, and you wanted me. There’s nothing wrong with that. I am so sick of everyone always telling me how young I am, how I should be doing this or that, anything but what I choose. Don’t ruin this, Travis.” She hated to plead with him, but she couldn’t lose him just when she’d finally gotten him.

  “You will hate me for this, Taylor,” he said as he stood, pulling farther from her.

  She pleaded with him to just stay, but he dressed and then apologized again before he walked from her hotel room, leaving her sobbing on the bed she’d just felt the greatest pleasure in.

  “I hate you, Travis,” she whispered, so broken and empty . . .

  TAYLOR WOKE UP

  with a shiver traveling down her spine and a tear falling down her cheek. No light was coming through the cabin windows, but she knew she wouldn’t go back to sleep. That day six years ago had been her greatest pleasure and her greatest pain, and now she was having to relive it over and over again because she was with Travis in this secluded cabin.

  Maybe she should just go back to her parents’ place, just admit defeat. Even the thought of that filled her with rage. No. Travis had broken her heart once, and she certainly wouldn’t trust the man, but he wouldn’t ever hear her beg again, and he wouldn’t see her cry.

  It was his turn to cry, and she wouldn’t mind being the person to make him do so.

  “You lost fair and square, Taylor. Now pay up.”

  Taylor stomped her foot as she looked at Travis sitting so smugly on the couch, his hands behind his head, one foot across his knee, and a broad grin on his face.

  “You know you would be considered a real tool if you make me go through with this,” she said, hoping he would give her an out.

  “You’d make me do it. Now pay up.” Of course he wasn’t giving her an out.

  “I hate you.”

  “No, you don’t,” he quickly responded, still not moving. “I have all night. The rain is coming down in sheets and makes a perfect backdrop.”

  “Fine!”

  Walking with as much dignity as this moment would allow, Taylor turned her iPhone on and pushed play on “Single Ladies,” then turned her back to Travis.

  They’d been playing Scrabble, at which she normally excelled, but the letters just weren’t being her friend that night. The loser had to perform a dance for the other. She’d been so sure she was going to win, and then she was going to make him dance to “It’s Raining Men.” It would have been such sweet victory.

  Instead, she had to shake her booty to “Single Ladies.” The sad part was that she’d learned the routine her freshman year of college, before she’d decided she wanted to race full-time and not spend all day in the classroom.

  Closing her eyes, she tried to pretend Travis wasn’t there while she did the dance that made men drool. That was impossible, as the man was hooting and hollering as her hips shook. When she finally finished the song and turned to face him, brushing her fallen hair out of her face, she tried to look as defiant as possible. Not an easy task when she’d just humiliated herself.

  “Next time, you will be the one dancing,” she assured him.

  “Ah, baby, I’ll dance for you right now,” he said, standing up and making her take a step back.

  “No. That’s perfectly all right,” she said, not trusting that look in his eyes one little bit.

  “Come on, Taylor. Let’s dance together,” he said, moving slowly toward her.

  “No.” She took another step back, but then found herself pressed against the wall. The cabin was way too small, and with the rain pouring down, it was becoming increasingly smaller.

  “You’ve run out of room to hide,” he said, only a couple feet away now. The door was to her left, and Taylor made a rash decision. She darted through it and straight into the downpour.

  Yes, she would certainly find herself cooled off, but that was good, because her body was on fire at the moment, and all it had taken was a smoldering look from Travis.

  Oh, how she wished her stubborn pride would allow her to leave the cabin and run away. But at the same time, she didn’t want to leave. She wanted to gain control over her emotions about Travis, about her career, and about her family. She needed to find some sanity in her otherwise crazy life, and if she ran away from the cabin, she would only be taking one more step backward.

  “Perfect. I love to dance in the rain.”

  Before Taylor could close her mouth, Travis was pulling her into his arms and spinning her in a circle in the muddy front yard of the cabin. He’d not only followed her out, but was now dancing with her, music lightly drifting through the open front door of the cabin, barely audible over the sound of the pouring rain.

  And what shocked her more than the fact that she was dancing in the rain with Travis was that she found herself smiling as their feet splashed in the puddles, water poured over them, and mud spit up at their legs.

  Taylor had no idea how long Travis spun her in circles, but when she found herself looking up, the light from the front porch barely illuminating his face, her smile fell away. The man was always breathtaking, but with water cascading over him, and fire burning in his eyes, he was beyond description.

  “I want you,” he whispered, his head moving slowly toward her, giving her an out if she wanted it.

  Did she want it? Did she continue to fight whatever this was between them? They’d made love once and he’d walked out on her, but she had been young, she told herself, and then that thought infuriated her.

  No. She wouldn’t make excuses for him, wouldn’t cast aside her feelings from that night so easily. Pushing her hands out, she wasn’t surprised when Travis released her. Travis would never force a woman to do something she didn’t want to do. Tease her, yes. Torture her, double yes. But force her, never.

  “Good night, Travis.”

  Turning, she walked back toward the cabin, not even attempting to do it with dignity. Her hair was plastered to her face, her legs covered in mud, and her body now filled with the shakes. There was no dignity for her this night.

  She moved straight to the bedroom and stripped her sodden clothes off, then climbed into the shower. She wanted to stay there all night, but the cabin only had one bathroom, and Travis was just as soaked as her, so when the chill left her body, she wrapped herself in a robe and walked back out to the living room.

  “All yours,” she muttered, then felt her eyes tear up when she saw the hot cup of chocolate sitting at the table waiting for her.

  He didn’t say a word, just moved past her to the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him. That was Travis. He didn’t look for thank-yous
, didn’t expect gratitude. Yes, he could be pompous and pushy, and a pain in the ass, but then he could be sweet and funny, kind and heroic.

  She just didn’t know how to separate the two facets of his personality. She didn’t know how to separate how she felt. Life would be so much easier if she could figure it out.

  “Pass the syrup, please.”

  “There are a lot of things I can do with syrup,” Travis said.

  Taylor’s head snapped up and she shot him a glare. “The comments are getting old, Travis. Do you have an original bone in your body?”

  “Let’s not talk about my original bone, sweetheart.”

  Several days had gone by since their dance in the rain, and neither had spoken again about it or the near kiss, but the last couple of days had certainly tested her limits as to how much she could withstand. When she’d awakened that morning to find the sun shining and no clouds to be seen, she’d practically done a dance in her bed.

  If Travis were rude, or cold, or anything other than flirtatious and helpful, she would have been able to cast him aside so much more easily. But he was still the same man she’d fallen in love with years earlier, and she wasn’t having an easy time remembering why she didn’t want to fall into a relationship with him.

  Not that he’d said he wanted a relationship. No. He was just making it more than clear every single day that he wanted them to share the large bed in the only bedroom. Taylor knew how good that would be, but she couldn’t make love with him again, because then he’d forever own her heart.

  But didn’t he already?

  No! Of course not. Soon, one or the other would give up on this game and leave the cabin. Hell, maybe both of them would. And when that happened, she would make sure they wouldn’t run into each other again. Her nerves couldn’t handle it.

  For now, though, they were locked into a routine. Eat breakfast, clean up the cabin, maybe play some board games, have lunch, then maybe hike, or swim, or talk by the fire. Thank goodness for cool summer nights, because Taylor really enjoyed a blazing fire. There was something very comforting about the lights and shadows and the sweet smell of the burning wood.