Who I Am With You Read online

  It had felt so right. She could still practically feel his arms around her after they were done and she’d begun to drift off, whispering the words she’d said to no other. I love you. The lovemaking had been perfect—they were perfect, or so she had thought.

  When he immediately leapt from the bed, apologizing profusely, saying he’d drunk way too much, that he’d crossed a line and they should have never done that, she’d been humiliated.

  For a brief moment, she’d begged him to stay, but when she knew the battle was over, she’d sat there in agony. At least she hadn’t shown him tears, hadn’t allowed him to see such a weakness. She’d shed enough tears when she was a teenager to last her a lifetime. No. Instead, she’d dressed, lifted her head high, and walked from the room.

  She’d seen him only one time after that—a year later, when she was visiting her parents in Sterling. He’d tried to speak to her, tried to act as if nothing was wrong. She’d shunned him then, and she would shun him now.

  He was no better than any of the other males in her life who wanted to treat her like nothing but a weak female incapable of making up her own mind. The next morning, he’d hung his head as he’d apologized, telling her he’d taken advantage of her, that it shouldn’t have happened, that she really didn’t know what she wanted. She was sick and tired of people telling her she didn’t know what she wanted. Who in the hell did he think he was? At least her brothers weren’t quite that bad, but if they could surround her with bubble wrap and keep her locked away, she wouldn’t put it past them.

  When would the people in her life realize she was an adult? That she was more than capable of making her own choices, whether they were good or bad? Even if she failed sometimes, and she knew she would—just like everyone else—she would learn from those mistakes. No pain, no gain, right? It was frustrating always to be the baby of the family, and to always be coddled because of her gender.

  Sure, she’d fallen hard for Travis way back when, but she was older now, wiser. Never again would she be taken in by his tricks. He was probably putting on this act now only because he was bored. He’d fooled her once, but he certainly wouldn’t do it twice.

  The cold was beginning to seep into her bones, so she found a dry towel and then peeked out the bathroom door into the bedroom. She was really wishing she hadn’t just tossed her bags onto the living room floor. In her defense, she’d assumed she was alone and could walk around naked if she wanted to.

  Dammit!

  Creeping into the bedroom with the small towel wrapped around her body, she moved over to the closet and opened the door, sighing with relief when she found some T-shirts hanging. She didn’t know whether they were her brother’s or Travis’s, and she didn’t care. For tonight, one of them was going to be her pajama top. She had always loved sleeping in her older brothers’ T-shirts. There was just something oddly comforting about it. Slipping it on over the towel, she moved to the dresser and found a pair of large sweatpants with a drawstring. Pulling them up, she had to tie them as tight as she could and then roll the waist down and the legs up.

  Warmth began to return to her limbs by the time she found wool socks. Now she was decent enough to walk into the living room where Travis was waiting. Sure, it wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation, but she’d had many worse talks in her years of racing.

  She was in a world where more men competed than women. That was okay with her. She liked to be different—it made her feel important. Even if she had to constantly defend her chosen career path. And she would still continue to pursue her dreams. If she ever got a release to race, that is. Hell, at the rate she was going, she might never see a dirt track again. No, she refused to consider such a frightening thought. She was too young to give up the life she’d made all on her own.

  As she stepped into the living room, Taylor didn’t have any complaints about the nice fire that Travis was currently stoking. And even as angry as she was with him, she also didn’t mind the view she had of his sweet backside as he leaned down and added another log. Sure, she could build her own fire, but not as quickly as he’d managed to get this one blazing.

  Right now was one of those times she really wished she’d paid more attention when her family had gone camping. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy the outdoors—she loved it. It was just that she preferred nice dirt roads and arenas to camping in the woods. Especially now, since she was continually thinking about all of those creatures waiting to rip into her tender flesh and chew on it mercilessly.

  Because it was summertime, the daylight hours were pleasantly hot, but the nighttime temperatures cooled off dramatically. If Taylor had her way, she would live in the desert, in one of those places that never dipped below fifty degrees. But as much as she was on the road, she always made time to come back home. Even when her family drove her nearly to madness, she still couldn’t stay away from them for long. And they would never leave Montana.

  “I appreciate the fire, Travis, but really, this place is too small for both of us . . .”

  There, that was said in a calm, even tone. He would see reason, understand that this was her brother’s place, and she therefore had first dibs on it, and he would pack his belongings and be on his way.

  Just then, some animal made an eerie sound outside the window and a shudder passed through her. No way was she letting herself get freaked out, though. She’d grown up in Montana, and as long as she stayed inside during the nighttime hours, she’d be fine.

  Sure, the occasional cougar decided to go hunting, but they were more afraid of humans than humans were afraid of them, or at least that’s the crap her father had always told her. Still, she happened to be pretty dang afraid of any animal with claws and sharp teeth, but the vicious beasts of the forest didn’t have to know that. And no one else needed to know that, either. It would ruin her carefully cultivated image.

  She hadn’t gone to many of the counseling sessions the doctors had offered after the accident, deciding that an injury wouldn’t affect her. She would choose to beat these newfound phobias on her own. If she told herself she was fine, then she would be. It was as simple as that. Mind over matter!

  Refusing to look at the window, where she felt red eyes feasting upon her, she focused on Travis’s back again. He’d continued stoking the fire as if she hadn’t said a single word. She was beginning to get irritated when he finally stood.

  “Not leaving, Taylor,” he said almost pleasantly before adding, “Would you like some coffee or hot chocolate?”

  And then, much to her surprise, he sauntered into the kitchen area. The cabin really wasn’t very big, and the kitchen and living room were divided only by a small breakfast bar. The dining area was to the side of the kitchen, sporting a rustic table that seated four.

  No television, no frills. Just a couch, comfy chair, and small end tables with lamps on them. She was actually surprised her brother had installed electricity and plumbing in his man cave. She supposed he was a bit too used to his pampered lifestyle to go without the basics while at his hunting retreat.

  “Don’t you think this is something we should discuss like reasonable adults? Obviously this place isn’t big enough for both of us,” Taylor said again as she flopped down onto the couch, dragging a thick quilt onto her lap.

  “Nothing to discuss. I’m the one who was invited—did Bryson invite you, Taylor? No, I didn’t think so—and I’m not leaving. But if you want to stay with me, be my guest,” he said as he set a pot on the stove and began boiling water before moving to the fridge and pulling out cheese and cold cuts, lining them up on a tray, and then creatively fanning out some crackers.

  Realizing she hadn’t eaten in hours, Taylor stared at the food, her mouth watering. He was putting enough out for both of them, but wouldn’t it count as caving if she accepted his offerings? Not that she actually knew if he was going to offer her any of his meal. She could go and get herself a dish of her mother’s macaroni salad, but that didn’t sound appealing right then.

  The
water began boiling and he poured two cups of hot chocolate without getting her confirmation that she wanted any. When he set the cup in front of her, she was tempted not to drink it, just to prove she didn’t need his pitiful cup of chocolate goodness. But the aroma was enticing and her stomach was growling, and she was only hurting herself if she played the martyr.

  “Thanks,” she muttered as she lifted the cup. Her reward was a beaming smile as he set the tray of meat and cheese down next.

  “Dig in,” he said as he piled a cracker high and slipped it into his mouth.

  “Fine, but only because I haven’t eaten in hours. This isn’t me caving in. I still don’t give you permission to stay,” she mumbled, eagerly grabbing some goodies.

  “I don’t need your permission, Taylor. Bryson already gave me the key and his blessing, and apparently he didn’t give you permission. I have dibs, doll. I’ll tell you what, though—I’ll let you have the bedroom,” he said with a wicked smile. “For tonight, at least.” He ate a few more crackers and then leaned back, looking as if he was going to get real cozy on the couch. He seemed half asleep.

  Taylor sent him a glare, but with his eyes closed, it did her no good. After five minutes of complete silence, when she’d emptied the remaining food from the tray, Taylor knew this conversation was going nowhere, at least not tonight.

  “It’s late, so I suppose I won’t complain if you sleep on the couch for tonight,” she said as she stood up and began to walk around him.

  As she passed in front of him, he suddenly snaked his arm out and grabbed her, nearly making her tumble into his lap. His eyes snapped open and he was surprisingly alert as he looked at her, his expression intense.

  “Don’t for one minute think I’m a pushover, Taylor, just because I managed to show more restraint than most men would when a pretty teenager threw herself at them. We’re both all grown up now, and I tend to go after what I want.”

  After a short pause, Taylor yanked her arm away and stepped back. “Is that a threat, Travis?” With the way her heart was racing she didn’t feel threatened. No, if she had to be honest, she would admit she was . . . excited.

  “I hate to be trite, baby, but it’s a promise,” he said, leaning back and looking relaxed again.

  She hated being called baby. But there was nothing she could say, especially with her throat closed off and her heart hammering. Turning away, she rushed into the bedroom and firmly shut the door.

  As she lay down on the bed, she knew sleep wasn’t going to be her friend that night.

  “Rise and shine, princess.”

  “Go away!”

  “You’re wasting the day. The sun is up, and the fish are biting.”

  Taylor turned over and glared at Travis. He was standing before her, looking perfect in his painted-on jeans and . . . “What in the world are you wearing?”

  “What?” He looked down at himself and then back at her and shrugged.

  “That vest is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  “Now, Taylor, that’s just plain rude. This is my fishing vest. Each pocket and strap serves a purpose,” he said, tugging on the ugly beige thing snugly attached to his wide shoulders.

  “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that.”

  “How would you know that? If you were dead, we could put you in whatever we wanted to,” he countered.

  “Ugh. You are insufferable. How long have you been awake? I didn’t even hear you.”

  “That’s because you were all snug in the bedroom while I was pushed out to the small couch. It’s my turn for the bedroom tonight. Of course, I don’t mind if you want to share with me,” he said with a wink.

  “Get out!” Taylor threw her pillow at his face, which he easily dodged before letting loose with a laugh and sauntering out of her room.

  Flopping back onto her bed, minus her pillow, Taylor lay there for a while trying to decide what she was going to do next. If she knew one thing about Travis, it was that he was stubborn, more stubborn than her, and that was saying a lot.

  Finally, she got up, used the bathroom, and decided she was through hiding in the bedroom. She’d come to this cabin for rest and relaxation and she was going to get it one way or the other. When she did finally come out to the living room, she refused to speak to the lout. She was finished arguing.

  Travis simply flipped her a smile, walked into the kitchen, and proceeded to make a large breakfast of ham and eggs. The smells made her stomach growl, but she didn’t want to accept his pity food.

  “You can eat if you want, but I’m not going to beg,” he said, scooping up his own plate and sitting down at the small table.

  Taylor sat there a few more moments, and then decided she wasn’t punishing anyone but herself by not eating, so with as much grace as she could manage, she stood, made her own plate, and then walked to the couch, refusing to join him at the table.

  The chuckle she heard coming from him set her teeth to grinding, but she still refused to speak, not acknowledging the fact that she was acting like a pouty child instead of an adult.

  If he was going to stay in the cabin, she sure as heck wasn’t going to have any kind of conversation with him. She either stayed in the cabin with him, or she went back home to her parents’ house where she would be smothered. That seemed the worse of the two evils.

  When Travis disappeared and she heard the shower start, her stomach clenched. Knowing she could walk in there, join him in the shower, and have him more than happy with that was playing with her already messed-up head.

  That was the last thing she wanted to do. Sure, she still had feelings for this man who was her first love, but he’d rejected her, and she wouldn’t go crawling back to him. When the shower shut off, she squirmed on the couch.

  Now that she was actually at the cabin, and where she thought she wanted to be, she was bored. That thought brought a slight smile to her pouty mouth. Her mother would always tell all of them that there was no such thing as boredom, only boring people.

  She could pull out a book and read, but she was used to being active all the time, and at the moment she just felt . . . lost. This simpering, pathetic woman wasn’t her. She was normally happy, a go-getter. When would she find herself again?

  “I’m going for a walk. You’re free to join me,” Travis said as he came out of the bathroom.

  She didn’t bother replying. She was too tempted to say yes. With a shrug, he went out through the front door, and for the next two minutes, Taylor sat on the couch fuming. And bored. She was so bored.

  When a scratching sounded somewhere in the kitchen, she jumped up and threw on her shoes. She didn’t want to hang out with the man, but suddenly sitting there all alone on the couch seemed even worse than walking by his side. Normally, she’d have investigated the noise, made sure some critter wasn’t going to ransack the place. Not today, though. Running to catch up, Taylor didn’t take long to find Travis.

  “Change your mind?” he said with a laugh.

  “I figure you’re the lesser of two evils. I didn’t want to hang out at the cabin alone, and . . . I just don’t know what to do.”

  “There are all sorts of things to do, Taylor. But you won’t figure it out if you’re acting lazy and sitting around.”

  “I’m not lazy, Travis!”

  “I haven’t seen much movement from you today.”

  “Why do you always try to get a rise from me?”

  “Because it’s so easy to do.” He kept a fast pace as they went through the forest.

  “Maybe that’s why I can’t stand hanging around you.”

  “Now that’s a lie, Taylor. You’ve always been my shadow.”

  “I was a kid then, Travis. I may not be as ancient as you, but still, I’m all grown up now.”

  He stopped walking and basically undressed her with his eyes, making her shift on her feet. “Yes, Taylor. You certainly are all grown up now. And I wouldn’t say thirty is exactly ancient,” he pointed out.

  “Just keep walking, Tra
vis.” She began moving again, but her breath was more uneven than before.

  They soon reached a large pond about half an hour from the cabin. With the sun high in the sky, the water was more than appealing, but Taylor hadn’t even thought to bring a swimsuit. That didn’t seem to be stopping Travis. He pulled off his shirt and let his impressive tanned chest soak in the sun’s rays.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m taking a swim. You’re more than welcome to join me.” He began undoing the buttons on his jeans, showing the black band of his underwear.

  “I don’t have a suit.”

  “Neither do I,” he said with a wolfish grin before his thumbs reached inside the top of his pants and underwear. She barely had time to turn around before he pushed them down.

  “What if someone happens by, Travis?” she snapped, refusing to face him.

  “There’s no one for miles, Taylor, and it’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.” His voice grew farther away as he moved toward the water. Then Taylor heard a splash and knew he was covered.

  Still, she took a few more seconds before turning back around. “That was a long time ago.”

  “Ah, I could never forget how great our night was,” he said as he swam away from her.

  “Well, I suggest you erase it from your mind,” she told him, moving over to sit on a rock, with the hot sun beating down on her. “Besides, you said it was a mistake,” she added with a pout. Sweat began to gather on her forehead and neck, and the water was looking more and more appealing.

  “I stand by that. It was a mistake at that moment. But times are different now, and we’re both in a different place in our lives. Besides, why would I erase you when I plan on adding more to the treasure house of memories?” He was now moving closer to her, and the way his muscled arms slid through the water was mesmerizing.