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  “I should get some work done,” he said, deciding to avoid the subject. “I’m going to change,” he added, before walking to their bedroom.

  Jessica would normally have let him leave but she decided to give her marriage everything she had. While he was changing in the bathroom she stripped off her clothes and lay down in their bed, with the soft lighting showing everything.

  Alex stepped out of the bathroom, planning on heading straight out of the room but one look at his wife and his plans changed. He walked to the bed, like he was a puppet on a string. He stripped out of the clothes he’d just put on and climbed in the bed beside her without a single word.

  She wrapped her arms around him and when their lips met a fire exploded throughout her entire body. When he rubbed her from breast to hip and back up again it was like a trail of lava was searing her. She couldn’t stop the sounds of pleasure escaping her lips.

  She took control back from him before she was unable to think. She pushed him over on his back and climbed on top of him continuing the passionate kiss. She finally released his lips and trailed hers down the side of his neck.

  She was encouraged by the shivers racking his body and the gasp that escaped his lips as her hands trailed lower and lower on his body.

  She continued kissing him down the column of his throat, over his smooth pecks and lower, to his rock hard abs. She ran her tongue in swirls over the small trail of hair leading her to his engorged manhood.

  He tried to pull her back up to him. “No, it’s my turn,” she simply said and he lay back down and let her please him. It took his full willpower not to flip her over and plunge inside of her quivering body.

  “Jessica,” he moaned out loud, when she licked the top of his thigh. He really couldn’t take much more.

  She took a second to look up at him seductively, before she finally ran her tongue up and down the full length of him. His whole body shook from the pleasure she was giving him.

  “Please,” he begged. He didn’t know whether he was begging her to continue or to stop.

  She didn’t say a word as she finally took him deep into her mouth and his whole body arched off the bed. She moved her head up and down his shaft, while gripping him and mimicking the movement with her hand.

  She swirled her tongue around his head and he jerked up. “Enough,” he growled as he grabbed her in a lightening quick movement and flipped her under him.

  “I will finish inside of you, with you quivering around me in pleasure,” he said between clinched teeth.

  She jerked her hips upward towards him. She could feel him right there at her entrance but he wouldn’t push inside her.

  Now she was the one to beg, “Please Alex,” she moaned.

  “Just a minute. I don’t want this to end before it even begins.” He groaned as she rubbed against him again.

  He took her hands and placed them over her head and then brought his lips to hers again. He kissed her with all the pent up passion of a man drowning. He was drowning in her.

  “Please Alex,” she begged him again.

  He couldn’t take anymore and with one thrust he was buried deep inside her. They both moaned in pleasure at the fulfillment of their joined bodies.

  He started moving and the waiting ended. He thrust quickly in and out of her, as their panting both escalated. “Alex,” she shouted as her body started convulsing around him. He thrust inside of her and groaned out loud at his own release.

  They both lay there, motionless. Her hands were rubbing up and down, from his shoulder blades to his lower back and then up again. He finally got off her and she moaned her displeasure at the separation.

  “Shh, I’m too heavy for you,” he said. She thought he would get up and leave but he held her close to him and after he covered them both he rubbed her back until sleep overtook them.

  Alex lay there for a long time, still stroking her back and thinking their love making was so much more than sex. He knew he should’ve walked away and let them both think clearly but there was no way he could. When he’d come out of the bathroom and saw her beautiful body glowing under the soft light of the lamp, he was drawn to her

  He finally got out of the bed, when he knew she was sound asleep. She moaned and reached for him. When she found only empty space, her brow furrowed but she didn’t wake up.

  Alex headed to the bathroom and took a long shower. He let the spray try and wash away the tension that seemed to be ever present in his shoulders. It didn’t do any good. He finally gave up and decided to go back to bed. He would try and get some sleep and figure things out later.

  As soon as he climbed back into the bed she immediately snuggled up to him. Even in her sleep she was drawn to him. He gave up for the night trying to create distance and held her, quickly falling into a deep sleep. An earthquake couldn’t have roused him.

  The next morning, he woke before Jessica and got up and left. He avoided her the rest of the afternoon and even though he caught her shooting sad looks at him whenever they passed each other he knew it was better to create some distance.

  Alex sat in his office and rubbed his pounding temples. He knew he’d been avoiding Jessica far too much and he wanted to just go back to the way things had been.

  Everything that had happened over the last several months seemed to keep pulling them further and further apart. He was trying to keep distance between them to prevent the very problems he seemed to have created.

  That night at dinner she’d barely touched her food and she seemed to have so much sadness about her and he knew he could fix it. He didn’t know how to make their problems fade away without giving her his heart.

  She was a reasonable person. If he explained they were doing what was best for their son, she’d understand a marriage didn’t have to be filled with romance and love. It needed to be filled with an understanding that two people did the best they could in order to be great parents.

  Even as the thoughts were flitting through his head he knew they sounded wrong but he was convincing himself everything was fine. He once again stayed in the office far too late, making sure she was asleep before he entered their bedroom.

  Chapter Nine

  Jessica made a decision. She was head over heels in love with her husband and he’d seemed to pull further and further away from her. She’d been hopeful during those months when he’d seemed to open up to her and their marriage had seemed real. She couldn’t live half-way in the marriage and half-way out.

  There were times when everything was perfect and then he would seem to notice he was too relaxed and once again pull away from her. The hot and cold was almost worse than if he was just cold all the time. When he was open with her, it gave her hope they could be a real couple.

  She slowly gained her courage and walked down the stairs to her husband’s home office. She took another deep breath outside his door and then stepped in, with her head held high.

  “Is everything okay?” Alex asked with concern. She normally didn’t disturb him in the office, with one exception when they’d ended up making love in front of the fireplace.

  His eyes were automatically drawn to that spot and he could feel his body’s response. He quickly squelched it and turned back to Jessica.

  She was standing there before him and he was thinking he could take her right there on top of his desk. Her eyes held a determination within them that let him know she needed to talk. Seriously, he had to stop his thoughts.

  “I don’t know if things are okay,” she began.

  Alex was getting really concerned. “Jacob…” he began. He started getting up, ready to charge up the stairs to his son.

  “Jacob’s fine. This has to do with us. I need to talk to you about our relationship.” Jessica felt her heart breaking in half as she watched the shutters quickly close into place on her husband’s face.

  “Our relationship is fine.” He didn’t elaborate, just looked back down at his computer screen, as if the discussion was over and there was no need to interru
pt his work any longer.

  He absolutely didn’t want to have the conversation. He knew it had been coming for quite a long time. He didn’t want to hurt her but he couldn’t lose her either. He was feeling more stress than he ever had in his life.

  “The thing is, our relationship isn’t okay for me anymore,” she stressed. “Alex, I love you. I have been in love with you for a while now and I can’t live in this marriage, loving you with all my heart, while wondering when you’re going to walk out the door.” She finished, as a tear slipped down her cheek.

  His heart warmed for a moment as she once again told him she loved him. He refused to allow the warmth though and blocked his emotions. He would reason with her, he would make things okay for them.

  She’d been hopeful to get through the conversation with no tears. She didn’t want to appear weak and she didn’t want him feeling sorry for her. She wanted his love or nothing at all.

  He looked at her with the same shuttered expression, although she’d thought for a moment, he’d shown some warmth. She’d most likely imagined it because he had a guarded look that wasn’t going to change anytime soon. He sat back in his chair for a full two minutes before finally speaking.

  “Jessica, I care for you greatly. You are an incredible mother and a great wife. I’m comfortable with the way things are. I never wanted to marry, because other than my parents and my brother, I haven’t exactly seen a lot of shining examples of lasting love. I know you want me to say, ‘I love you,’ but I can’t. It’s just not who I am. I’m giving you everything I’m capable of.”

  His words were like knives stabbing her again and again. She didn’t know how it was possible to still be standing there. She pressed her hand against her heart, pressing in. The pain was so deep; it felt as if there was a gaping hole in her chest. She really thought her heart may explode from the intensity of the pain coursing through her.

  “I understand Alex but then I can no longer stay married to you. You are an amazing father and I would never keep Jacob from you again. We’ll have to work out all the details but I just can’t do this. I’m so sorry.” She turned and walked from the room. She was choking on the sobs that wanted to rip from her body but she managed somehow to hold them back.

  Jessica didn’t know how she arrived in the bedroom she’d shared with Alex for almost a year. Their nights had been amazing. That was the only time he’d completely let down his guard. When he’d looked into her eyes, she’d convinced herself it was love shining through their blue depths.

  She turned away from the bed. She couldn’t look at it. She walked across the hall and checked in on Jacob. He was sound asleep in his crib and looked so peaceful. He’d grown so much his first year of life. She was amazed how beautiful he was.

  She loved how much he resembled his father. She rubbed his small, mostly bald head. He didn’t wake up. He was content in his crib. She wouldn’t disturb him right then. She would pick him up the next day.

  She knocked on Julia’s door and it was quickly answered. “Hi Jessica, is everything okay?” she asked with real concern. Obviously, Jessica thought, she wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding her emotions.

  “Everything is fine. I just wanted to let you know I’ll be gone this evening. You have my number if Jacob wakes and there are any problems.”

  “I’m sure things will be fine. Are you sure you’re okay?” Julia asked again.

  “Yes, thanks, I will see you in the morning.” With that Jessica turned and walked back into her bedroom. There was no way she could sleep there that night. She would go find a hotel room and then look for something more permanent the next day. Her son would be fine overnight. She would make sure she was back before he woke up. She packed an overnight bag and slipped out of the house.

  As she climbed into her car she had to wait a few moments because she was crying so hard she couldn’t see to drive properly. When she finally pulled herself together and her vision cleared she turned away from the house. She watched it in her rearview mirror until the trees blocked her view.

  Leaving was about the hardest thing she’d ever done. The further she got from the house, the more she was regretting the decision. She loved Alex so much and leaving him was even more painful than staying with him, even without his love.

  She decided to turn around and head back towards the house, when her car was suddenly filled with bright lights. “What...” she began to say aloud, when there was a huge crashing sound and she blacked out.

  Alex sat as his desk with his head in his hands. He was already regretting his words to Jessica. The longer he thought the more he realized she wasn’t demanding anything of him that he didn’t have to give.

  All thoughts of work were gone. He was thinking back to his time with Jessica. He couldn’t wait to walk in the door each evening to see her. He noticed throughout his days, he would continually check the time, counting down the hours until he could return home. He’d done far more work from home, than he’d ever done in the past. Anything that didn’t require him to be in the office was done from home.

  He was also delegating far more work than he’d ever done in the past. He just wanted to spend time with his son and his wife. Work was no longer the top priority to him it used to be.

  Their nights were unlike anything else he’d ever known. She was always eager to fall into his arms. She was the most beautiful creature he’d ever known. He could picture her pregnant with many more of his children. He couldn’t picture his life without her.

  His heart seemed to grow too full for his chest, as the realization hit him. He did love her. “I love her,” he mumbled out loud, just to hear how it sounded and to know how it felt to say it. He felt his mouth lift up in a grin. He loved her. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

  He knew he’d sat there to long but he needed to get control over his own emotions. He finally got up to go talk to Jessica. He hated the pain he’d caused her. He couldn’t believe he’d just sat there as the tears rolled down her cheeks and the pain flashed in her eyes. Well that would never happen again. He would make up for that and so much more.

  He walked up to their bedroom and there was no sign of her. He went searching throughout the rest of the house, with no signs. He started to worry. He walked back to his son’s room and found Julia in there. “Do you know where Jessica is?” he asked.

  “I thought you had both gone out. She came in about an hour ago, saying she would be out for the night,” she replied. Her eyes then narrowed slightly, as she looked at him. “She looked like something was really bothering her, although she was doing her best to cover it up,” she finished accusingly.

  Alex headed over to his room, planning on calling her phone. His extension rang before he had a chance to make the call. He picked up on the first ring, “hello.”

  “Is this Alex Anderson?” the stranger’s voice asked.

  “Yes, can I help you?”

  “Sir, your wife has been in an auto accident. She’s at the Mercy West Hospital in surgery and you are listed as her emergency contact,” the stranger said with sympathy.

  Alex dropped the phone without another word and ran for the door. He shouted out for Tina to notify his and Jessica’s families and then raced to his car. He couldn’t lose her. Please God, he prayed, don’t take her from me.

  Alex made it to the hospital in record time. He couldn’t even remember the drive. One moment he hopped into his car and the next he was rushing in the emergency entrance doors. “I’m looking for my wife, Jessica Anderson!” He was practically shouting at the poor receptionist.

  “One moment sir,” the efficient nurse looked at her computer for what seemed like hours. “She arrived about an hour ago and is still in surgery. I need you to fill out these papers please,” she requested, as she pulled out a packet of paperwork.

  “To hell with the paperwork, I want to know what’s happening with my wife!” He shouted at the woman.

  “Sir, I understand you’re upset right now but the docto
r will be out shortly to inform you of your wife’s condition. We really do need these papers filled out,” she tried once again.

  Alex was about to grab this insufferable woman by her shirt lapels and demand to be taken to Jessica, when a hand clasped his shoulder. “Come on son, let’s fill out this paperwork and wait to hear from the doctor.” Alex’s shoulders slumped in defeat. His father was there and he was right.

  “Okay Dad,” he conceded in defeat.

  “I know you’re worried, boy. We all are but your family is here now and we’ll wait together. Jessica is strong and I know she will pull through this.” Alex thanked God to have his family there with him. He couldn’t sit in the waiting room and maintain his composure without them.

  A few minutes later his brothers, Lucas and Mark were there with him and then Jessica’s father, John. No one did any talking. They were there to be a support system. Lucas’s wife Amy came in with coffee and food for everyone and wrapped Alex in a hug. “It will all be okay. She’s strong,” she said, then kissed his cheek, before heading over to sit with her husband.

  “Son, let’s take a walk,” Joseph said and lead Alex from the room.

  “What if the doctor comes in, Dad?” Alex asked in a panic.

  “We won’t go far and trust me, if the doctor does come in one of your brothers will get you right away,” Joseph reassured him.

  “Okay,” Alex said, realizing he really did need some air to clear his head.

  “Is everything going okay for you and Jessica?” Joseph asked. He was never one to mince words and got right to the heart of the matter.

  “I haven’t been a great husband,” Alex said, fighting hard to hold back a sob. “She told me she loved me and I just freaked a bit. I was so afraid if I admitted to her how much I cared about her she would end up being disappointed in me and walking away. I’ve been a fool,” he finished.

  “Well admitting that is the first step,” Joseph said with a small chuckle.